Ask my closest college friends and they will tell you how becoming a mother was my all time dream. I used to dream and tell them how cool it must be to take care and nurture cute little people, shop pretty clothes for them, doll them up, take them for every music, sport and dance class which I couldn’t go as a child!
My dream did come true and along with it came humongous responsibilities and concerns (concerns about their well being, health, security, education, behavior… you name it!).
Kids definitely are ‘bundles of joy’ – priceless weighty bundles that add a lot of laughter, cheer and equal amount of chaos.
Only when these little people entered my life I realised, they are not dolls. They are people. They have their own character and personality, each of their own. Going through each day is not as rosy and cozy I had once imagined.
Every day feels like an assignment – assignments that I cannot copy, postpone or skip.
TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL
TEACH THEM LESSONS
MEET THEIR DEMANDS AND DESIRES
When the night falls and I just breathe a sigh of relief and accomplishment that I had finally made it through the day… Thoughts of guilt trickle in…
Did I prepare healthy food?
Am I teaching them enough?
Am I spending time with them enough?
Am I moulding them right?
Am I being the right example?
Am I protecting them enough?
In the wink of an eye all the hard worked sense of accomplishment just vanishes.
Day in and day out the battle to be the best mom became exhausting. It almost became a title impossible to achieve.
Although my dream to become a mother had come true, in the process I had lost myself and all the other dreams I had had. Vj would often ask me, “Where is that carefree fun Michelle I had once known back in college?”
Being born as a mother had transformed inside and out. For the better and even for the worse.
And then I decided to take matters in my hand!
I told myself as important as my kids and husband’s dreams and well being are, so is my own!
I picked up pieces of me right in the middle of everyday chaos. I still wake up to the same list of assignments everyday. But between each assignment, I take time to think and work on myself and my dream. While I ensure my family is well fed, I ensure I am too. When I pamper them with love and attention, I save some for myself too!
Following my dream has not only lifted a burden off my shoulders, it has begun to positively affect so many areas of my life and personality.
The mundane has all of a sudden become meaningful.
Today I can say, a ‘dream’ is not just doing what we enjoy. Our dreams are handcrafted and God-given. Our dreams defines who we are. Our dreams are not only meant to give us meaning and fulfillment in life. Our dreams are antidotes that heal us and make us whole. We loose ourselves when we loose our dreams.
I can testify following my dream has been the greatest antidote to my deepest pain.
In pursuing my dreams, I am rediscovering myself – my identity and my destiny!
It hasn’t been the easiest of journeys. For to loose oneself and ones dream requires no effort. To chase your dreams requires a lot of determination, focus and perseverance – qualities I am working on.
This Mother’s Day, I would like to reach out to all the mommies who have lost themselves and their dreams along this journey.
When was the last time you dreamt of just you and that dream inside you?
Find your dream.
We have miles to go!
To the two beautiful little girls who call me ‘mamma’ a zillion times everyday, I would like to say,
“Dream darlings! Dream the biggest, craziest dreams. Dream the impossible. Dream God-size dreams. Tell me your dreams and I will tell you mine. Together let’s dream. You chase yours and I will chase mine!”
To my mom – Puppy, you are my first and biggest inspiration. You are my closest friend, philosopher guide and the shoulder I can lean on. Words and are not enough to describe how much you mean to me.
My dearest mom-in-love and sister-in-love : you are second to none! You are great blessings and I cannot thank God enough for you!
Vj, thank you for seeing me and my dreams through the eyes of our Creator and for letting me dream on!